My heart’s failure

This coming April 2 would be my fifth year in Adamson University, the only university I envisioned myself into, the one where I built my dreams and goals in life, and the one that smashed it all into pieces. But no matter, I know that college life is always bittersweet. Maybe in my younger days, I would have written nothing but complains and teenage angst, about the worthlessness of life and peer pressure, and those sort of stories that are self-centered and egoistic. But what’s in this now is different. For me, and for all the people that matter, or the mass communication society to be precise, it is more than that wretched and routinely rally about tuition fee increase (yes, that one which was never really explained to us satisfactorily), more than flunked subjects of algebra, chemistry and P.E., and more than the sky-high rentals on the golden ST auditorium, which, I think, ought to be free for Adamson students. No, my people have gotten over that, and can even strive to live with it. What matters most is when people leave you in the dark, with nothing to grope on but the lessons you learned.

Bitterness is something never taught to us by our mentors. They say that no matter how horrible things might be, there is always a positive side to it. And whatever happens production-wise, we would still be friends, even though smart words and phrases and sharp tongues lashed us at every part of our sleepless bodies. Though blood is not spilt or seen, many of my people bled in the past three years. But those wounds, though some of it may not heal fully, will always be a mark of a lesson well-learned, caused by friends and enemies alike, and humbly guided by the gods of the media center.

They will graduate, and again, I will be left alone. The four years I have stayed in their midst will be a haunting memory, one which I know will linger for two semesters as I long for their company while eating in the canteen, or greeting them in the hallways, or laughing with them at some stupid joke, or watching and learning with them at the gigantic TV at the media center, which apparently got broken and haven’t been replaced yet, (buzz to the FLD!!!), or haplessly being taunted by Mr. Gonzales at the Radio Booth (another failure, as their equipments are being neglected by our own department, and yes, another buzz), or hopefully waiting for the departmentalization of the mass communications society, one which looks like an arm’s reach, if it wasn’t for the snakes lurking at the very edge of it. (Let those guilty be struck by lightning.)

But still, our people have done their best to adapt, because one of the things we’re uncannily excelling at is blending with our society and making use of all the resources available, even though some of it is still being denied. We have been taught to be fair and considerate, and still be intellectually glamorous at the end of the day. But one thing I know I will have a difficult time to adapt would be her, leaving. How many times have I asked myself why should it be her? Why can’t these wretched creatures, sapping us of our blood and money be the ones to leave us alone? We know what they are doing, so why don’t we stop it? As students of this university, don’t we have the power to liberate ourselves from those people who oppress us and deny us our freedom, simply because they won’t have their “breadwinner” anymore? So what they say in the books is true, that tyrants really are afraid of their people. If they are, then what are the mass communications people doing all this time? Relaxing and wondering about their selfish worries, I presume. People, it is time to know your allegiance, and to rise up to our cause. I for one, would no longer stomach this all. No more fund-less papers for our little community. I don’t want to bother myself with their heartless antics and looks of pity, and their long evaluation which prioritizes English subjects before our major subjects. I don’t wish to be a part of this system anymore, wherein the things that are badly needed by their students to grow up are being withheld by the authorities just to make our mentors resign. I will not be taught by another incompetent teacher no more who’s pretending to know anything about journalism. Because I am a mass comm. student, I am intelligent, I deserve to be free, and I will die fighting for freedom.

If this will be my own downfall, if this joint revolt of the words in my head would be the end of this all, then so be it. I guess it all has to end. Too bad for me, because I will not see myself marching in CCP, wearing a black toga, with the happy faces of my parents waving tearfully at me, for their youngest child has finally finished his educational years. But I don’t think I can study in this university anymore with no lights left, and where everyone’s goal is for their own profit.

One must not be the liberator of all. The people must liberate themselves.

Yes. I do agree. But the people must first know that they are being oppressed, otherwise, they will remain bounded by their ignorance. This is an eye-opener. So much for freedom...